you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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