did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I stole a fireplace last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
