dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize