I CAN MOONWALK!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
