remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
