FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
