Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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