we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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