I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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