The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love having hate sex.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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