I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
