connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
