Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
