HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
