It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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