I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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