do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
my liver is dry heaving
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
