I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
