but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
