We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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