I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
