I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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