i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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