yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
