there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
