your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize