I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize