i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
