After last night, I could never be a politician.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
