Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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