from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
