Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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