I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize