My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
