After last night, I could never be a politician.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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