I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
