If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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