i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
