Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
