it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
