And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
