i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
