No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
