Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
