i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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