Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
