Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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