I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
