Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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