I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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