my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
