At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
