erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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