I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
