what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
