I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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