I accidentally had phone sex last night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
