I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
