You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
