Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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