I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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