he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
