I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
