His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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