You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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