Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
