Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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