ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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