Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
