My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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