I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
