Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
